Well, I went to the seaside, and it was wonderful. I don't know if it was writing about it beforehand that helped prepare me for the challenges and determine to make the most of it, but even with the added challenge of a small baby of 5 months, I was OK. She was just beautiful, and apart from being just so smiley and happy, she shared my name so we had a bond straight away.
It was so lovely to just hold her and feel her weight, her fuzzy little head and her fierce grip. It was almost as lovely, though, to hand her back when I could no longer soothe her on those rare occasions that she did cry.
For me, it was very valuable to hear her mum talk about how surprised she'd been to learn she was pregnant at the age of 45, having thought that (after several miscarriages), her 4 year daughter would be an only child. She also revealed just how much hard work she finds it. Seeing my friend coping with the endless demands of her 3 girls as well has made me realise that, if I'm honest I would probably really struggle.
I did manage to catch up with several good friends all in one go, but the whole weekend really revolved around the children, whether it was watching them, feeding them, taking them to or from activities, or referreeing their rows. Saturday was the 5 year old's birthday party, and it was a great opportunity to indulge myself in balloon and bubble blowing. At one point their dad came out to me in the garden where I was still blowing bubbles, to tell me that I could stop because the kids were all inside - I told him I wasn't blowing them for the kids, they were for me!!
It was my job to supervise pass the parcel and the post-passing-shred-fest. The 10 little darlings all decided en masse that it was much more fun to shove all the rubbish down my shirt than into the bin bag provided, but it was fun! And I was rewarded with an ultimate compliment when one of them told me that I should come and stay over at her house one night.
Fun as it was, however, I really relished the hour I stole to go and wiggle my toes in the sand and just enjoy the peace and quiet of the beach. So: slowly, gradually, I feel like I am getting more comfortable with it all and able to relax into my role as uber auntie. It's not going to happen overnight, but it's a start.
Interestingly, there was a Grazia magazine lying around the house there too, and it seems I'm in good company as Jennifer Aniston would appear to be in a similar position.
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